Monday, March 10, 2003
Happy Monday!
Actually, for the first time in about 5 years, this Monday doesn’t suck. I feel rested. I feel content. And I don’t feel nearly as much anxiety as I have felt over the last week.
Friday night was random. Mariah was too hung over from Thursday to go back out on Friday, so Kelly and I went out with Paul’s roommates, Jen and Lisa. Member how I hated them with my every being? Well, of course, now I am friends with them. It’s been a couple weeks in the making, but I finally just stopped caring and then they wanted to be Besties. Who knows. Either way, I had a very good time talking to them and hanging out Friday night. Kelly got tired and we went home at around 2:30am, but then we ended up doing our weekend ritual of staying up until 5:30am talking our faces off. I had a nice time overall.
Saturday was the worst day of my life.
Ok, not really at all, but it was pretty horrible.
Paul was supposed to come over at 4:30pm to watch movies and maybe go out to dinner.
At 11:30pm that night, with still no word from Paul, I gave up and went to McDonalds for dinner. Unfortunately, my home phone is still not hooked up, so there was no way for him to reach me. Thank God we got cable on Friday afternoon, or my Saturday would have truly been a day spent in loneliness hell. (And by the way, our cable fucking rocks! We have like 130 channels of basic service and also this thing called “Videos on Demand”. I rented Men In Black 2 and XXX just by hitting a button on my remote control. It cost me $3.95 each and I had the movies for 24 hours! I saw Men In Black twice! Its $50 a month and I am in pig shit cable lovin heaven) I fell asleep Saturday night wondering where the fuck Paul had gone. Why didn’t he show up? And also, why is this the 3rd time in a week that he stood me up?
Sunday afternoon, Paul calls me on Kelly’s cell phone and I talk to him.
Me: “Hi. What happened last night?”
Paul: “I ended up taking an extra shift at work and didn’t have time to call.”
Me: “Paul, this is the 3rd time this week that I have waited around at my apartment for you. And this is the 3rd time that you haven’t shown up. Or even called.”
Paul: “SORRY JOE! But you know I gotta work.”
At this point, I completely lose my shit. I am talking screaming at the top of my lungs losing my shit. Our conversation lasted about 10 minutes, during all of which I was vein poppingly yelling in his face. Eventually I hung up on him, because the frustration was just too much too bear. He called back about a half-hour later.
During this phone conversation, I broke up with him. I told him never to call me again and that I was going over to his place while he was at work to get all of my shit. As far as I was concerned, this kid shit on me for the last time. He got very upset and I could hear his voice cracking with tears. I had no sympathy. I felt so hurt by him.
He never wants to see me. He chooses work over me EVERY time. He hasn’t kissed me or made love to me in over a month and a half. He wasn’t around at all before my move to Times Square and still hasn’t been around since I have moved in. He stands me up every time we have plans. And to top it all off…he still doesn’t treat me with any sort of kindness or respect.
I had had enough.
I hung up on him again.
Kelly and I then went grocery shopping in Union Square. I hadn’t gone yet and I really needed to get out of the house and do something productive. At that point, I had been lying in my bed for over 24 hours. During our trip to the store, Kelly and I talked over the fights that I had with Paul. I was still very angry and hurt and had an incredibly difficult time trying to vocalize the way I was feeling. Kelly was patient with me and allowed me to vent the way that I needed to vent.
Upon returning from the grocery store, Kelly made us a wonderful dinner. We had fish and pasta and I tried Brussels Sprouts for the first time in my life. I loved the first two I had and after that, they became too much to bear. But the dinner was eggselent and I thoroughly enjoyed our first sit down dinner in our new apartment.
While we were eating, I got a chance to think about the situation with Paul with more of a clear mind.
I called him right before I went to bed and said: “If you still want to come over tonight, you can.” CLICK
At 11pm, Paul came into my bedroom.
Seeing his face made my heart instantly melt. He sat down on the bed and he and I just stared at eachother while he ate his store bought mash potatoes and seafood salad. When he was done eating, I said:
“Well, what do you have to say for yourself?”
Paul went on and on about how he knows he needs to put in more of an effort. He promised (yet again) to work on the things that he needs to work on. Against my better judgement, I have given him another shot at being a boyfriend. When I asked him about the “lovemaking” he said that he “is just not emotionally ready to dive back into it just yet.” Without completely exposing his personal life, let me just say that I know what he is referring to and as long as he is open and honest with me, I can accept his need to push off the intimacy of our relationship. I mean, I’m in no rush anyway. It would just be nice to be kissed once in a while. We’ll see…
He and I had a wonderful evening together (as we usually do when he actually shows up) and went to sleep at 2am. We held eachother all night long and when I woke up this morning, I had my cigarette staring at his adorable little face. How is it possible that I can hate and love someone so intensely?
I just want things to be good.
Today is Mariah’s birthday. WHOO HOO! Happy Birthday RYE! Tentatively having dinner with her family and friends tonight, but I haven’t heard from her all day, so who knows if that will go through. If not, Paul and I are planning something for her for later in the week.
Ari’s birthday is on Thursday. As soon as she figures out what she is doing, I will figure out if I can go! She is looking at this place called “The Remote Lounge” or something like that. I checked out their website and was horribly impressed by the joint. They have cameras all around the bar that take pictures at random times throughout the evening. Then you can send the pictures through their website to your friends. It’s fucking cool. I am rooting for her to pick that place. But wherever she chooses, I will be happy if it’s affordable and full of vodka tonics.
You know how it goes.
And that’s it, I guess. Paul is staying over again tonight, but of course working until 11pm. He and I are so overdue for a real date night. But with him working two jobs, the chance of that happening any time in the near future seems incredibly unlikely.
OH BTW…haven’t been smoking the pot in over 3 days. I do feel much more awake and clear-headed. Also, I am in a strangely good mood today and wonder if that’s related. Who knows. My goal is not to buy another bag until Friday. Let’s see if I can make that happen.
Tonight is my first day of working out after work too. Let’s see if I can make that happen as well.
Ah geez. Can I just have the perfect body now please?
Please?
Please?
Cheese?
Yum.
Actually, for the first time in about 5 years, this Monday doesn’t suck. I feel rested. I feel content. And I don’t feel nearly as much anxiety as I have felt over the last week.
Friday night was random. Mariah was too hung over from Thursday to go back out on Friday, so Kelly and I went out with Paul’s roommates, Jen and Lisa. Member how I hated them with my every being? Well, of course, now I am friends with them. It’s been a couple weeks in the making, but I finally just stopped caring and then they wanted to be Besties. Who knows. Either way, I had a very good time talking to them and hanging out Friday night. Kelly got tired and we went home at around 2:30am, but then we ended up doing our weekend ritual of staying up until 5:30am talking our faces off. I had a nice time overall.
Saturday was the worst day of my life.
Ok, not really at all, but it was pretty horrible.
Paul was supposed to come over at 4:30pm to watch movies and maybe go out to dinner.
At 11:30pm that night, with still no word from Paul, I gave up and went to McDonalds for dinner. Unfortunately, my home phone is still not hooked up, so there was no way for him to reach me. Thank God we got cable on Friday afternoon, or my Saturday would have truly been a day spent in loneliness hell. (And by the way, our cable fucking rocks! We have like 130 channels of basic service and also this thing called “Videos on Demand”. I rented Men In Black 2 and XXX just by hitting a button on my remote control. It cost me $3.95 each and I had the movies for 24 hours! I saw Men In Black twice! Its $50 a month and I am in pig shit cable lovin heaven) I fell asleep Saturday night wondering where the fuck Paul had gone. Why didn’t he show up? And also, why is this the 3rd time in a week that he stood me up?
Sunday afternoon, Paul calls me on Kelly’s cell phone and I talk to him.
Me: “Hi. What happened last night?”
Paul: “I ended up taking an extra shift at work and didn’t have time to call.”
Me: “Paul, this is the 3rd time this week that I have waited around at my apartment for you. And this is the 3rd time that you haven’t shown up. Or even called.”
Paul: “SORRY JOE! But you know I gotta work.”
At this point, I completely lose my shit. I am talking screaming at the top of my lungs losing my shit. Our conversation lasted about 10 minutes, during all of which I was vein poppingly yelling in his face. Eventually I hung up on him, because the frustration was just too much too bear. He called back about a half-hour later.
During this phone conversation, I broke up with him. I told him never to call me again and that I was going over to his place while he was at work to get all of my shit. As far as I was concerned, this kid shit on me for the last time. He got very upset and I could hear his voice cracking with tears. I had no sympathy. I felt so hurt by him.
He never wants to see me. He chooses work over me EVERY time. He hasn’t kissed me or made love to me in over a month and a half. He wasn’t around at all before my move to Times Square and still hasn’t been around since I have moved in. He stands me up every time we have plans. And to top it all off…he still doesn’t treat me with any sort of kindness or respect.
I had had enough.
I hung up on him again.
Kelly and I then went grocery shopping in Union Square. I hadn’t gone yet and I really needed to get out of the house and do something productive. At that point, I had been lying in my bed for over 24 hours. During our trip to the store, Kelly and I talked over the fights that I had with Paul. I was still very angry and hurt and had an incredibly difficult time trying to vocalize the way I was feeling. Kelly was patient with me and allowed me to vent the way that I needed to vent.
Upon returning from the grocery store, Kelly made us a wonderful dinner. We had fish and pasta and I tried Brussels Sprouts for the first time in my life. I loved the first two I had and after that, they became too much to bear. But the dinner was eggselent and I thoroughly enjoyed our first sit down dinner in our new apartment.
While we were eating, I got a chance to think about the situation with Paul with more of a clear mind.
I called him right before I went to bed and said: “If you still want to come over tonight, you can.” CLICK
At 11pm, Paul came into my bedroom.
Seeing his face made my heart instantly melt. He sat down on the bed and he and I just stared at eachother while he ate his store bought mash potatoes and seafood salad. When he was done eating, I said:
“Well, what do you have to say for yourself?”
Paul went on and on about how he knows he needs to put in more of an effort. He promised (yet again) to work on the things that he needs to work on. Against my better judgement, I have given him another shot at being a boyfriend. When I asked him about the “lovemaking” he said that he “is just not emotionally ready to dive back into it just yet.” Without completely exposing his personal life, let me just say that I know what he is referring to and as long as he is open and honest with me, I can accept his need to push off the intimacy of our relationship. I mean, I’m in no rush anyway. It would just be nice to be kissed once in a while. We’ll see…
He and I had a wonderful evening together (as we usually do when he actually shows up) and went to sleep at 2am. We held eachother all night long and when I woke up this morning, I had my cigarette staring at his adorable little face. How is it possible that I can hate and love someone so intensely?
I just want things to be good.
Today is Mariah’s birthday. WHOO HOO! Happy Birthday RYE! Tentatively having dinner with her family and friends tonight, but I haven’t heard from her all day, so who knows if that will go through. If not, Paul and I are planning something for her for later in the week.
Ari’s birthday is on Thursday. As soon as she figures out what she is doing, I will figure out if I can go! She is looking at this place called “The Remote Lounge” or something like that. I checked out their website and was horribly impressed by the joint. They have cameras all around the bar that take pictures at random times throughout the evening. Then you can send the pictures through their website to your friends. It’s fucking cool. I am rooting for her to pick that place. But wherever she chooses, I will be happy if it’s affordable and full of vodka tonics.
You know how it goes.
And that’s it, I guess. Paul is staying over again tonight, but of course working until 11pm. He and I are so overdue for a real date night. But with him working two jobs, the chance of that happening any time in the near future seems incredibly unlikely.
OH BTW…haven’t been smoking the pot in over 3 days. I do feel much more awake and clear-headed. Also, I am in a strangely good mood today and wonder if that’s related. Who knows. My goal is not to buy another bag until Friday. Let’s see if I can make that happen.
Tonight is my first day of working out after work too. Let’s see if I can make that happen as well.
Ah geez. Can I just have the perfect body now please?
Please?
Please?
Cheese?
Yum.
